Following Katy Perry May be the Way to Go

So I cracked open one of the books I bought a few weeks ago. (swallowing hard) it’s title is “52 Brilliant Ideas: Be Incredibly Sexy: A Crash Course in Getting Your Groove On – and Keeping it There.”


But, I have an issue with the front cover…Let me describe it since my scanner failed. There’s this 30 something short-haired blond chick belting out karaoke to the top of a broom stick (at least, I’m almost sure that’s what she’s about to do). She got a mini Cosmo in her hand, dressed in a non-figure-flattering red lace dress (she’s a svelte pear shape…probably should have thought of something else.). She’s got red snakeskin patterned mules on and ruby red lips. There’s a red bucket, to go with the red mop and red dress. IKEA furniture and zebra accents. There’s this strange figurine on top of a book shelf…I think he’s pissed that she’s doing whatever she’s doing with the mop.  Or probably realistically, he more pissed about how much red she brought into the scene.  Thinking that a little apricot or mauve may have smoothed things out.

Yes, I got further than the cover. Chapter one: The Confidence Factor (alarm bells immediately). So it says, the trick to being sexy is to be confident. Supposedly, I need to believe in and accept myself. I am NOT to think about my bad points and focus on my good points. Oh crap. Time to make a mountain outta a molehill!! (and this is only chapter ONE….oy vey.)

I haven’t read chapter two yet (not that I really read chapter one…), but it’s called Heaven Scent…One of the things that attracts us to each other is smell. HELLO! I’ve been preaching this up and down!! I just glanced ahead to read the tip: Try putting some scent behind your knees. This is a highly erogenous zone that is often ignored. (um….ALL of my erogenous zones are ignored!) Don’t forget the nape of your neck – a single movement of your head will have him gasping for more – and – women only – between your breast – the most voluptuous and velvety part of your body…use it.)

Sound advice.

I wonder what number 52 is. Oooh, intriguing. “Anyone for tennis? There are certain things you just can’t do as a sex god.” WHAT?! Then why the hell am I reading this?! I want omnipotency! I want Super Hero powers! If I am going to train myself (in 52 steps) to be a sex god (dess), I want to be freaking Wonder Woman!