Sing along at home if you're in the shower...Huh? What do you mean you don't recognize it? You're kidding, right? Michelle Pfeiffer? Adrian Zmed? Judy Garland's kid? That other guy that was in that other movie? No bells ringing?
I'm OF COURSE referring to the sequel of this smash hit with Olivia Newton-John and John Travola...Grease 2, a movie that's been referenced in this very arena before: C-O-O-L
So that got me to thinking...Why isn't there a Grease 3? I can cast it right now: Miley Cryus (unless she gets knocked up right away or Liam doesn't want her cavorting with the cast I've compiled), Katy Perry as Frenchie (she already does that weird hair shit) and James Franco as the new T-Bone - Bird! I mean T-Bird! Who cares if he can sing or not...the old T-Birds couldn't! Oh, throw Ozzy's daughter in the new one too...she would be a great Pink Lady! And, hmmm, Zac Efron, Taylor Lautner and Robbie Amell. (That's Robbie below - you are very welcome!) Of course, we'd have to have 'G3' take place on the beach to show off the ab-ACTING skills of these fine young thespians.
With that cleared up - text into a writer/director/producer friend in LA - I moved onto other 'how comes and why nots:" (Commute was a bit slow today)
Why are there still drivers that go the speed limit in the left lane?
How could ANYONE believe that Drew Peterson was a guy they wanted to marry?
Roller Coasters - how do people NOT fall out? And, who offered to test that theory?
Those holes in kids' ears...the big ones...who thinks that feels good?
Same thing with piercings in ...ah...sensitive places.
OOOH, here's a good one: What exactly is a Friend with Benefits?
The first part should be pretty easy to explain. Wouldn't you think generally a 'friend' is someone that you enjoy spending time with - like having a beer, watching a game, taking in a flick? To be an FWB, don't you have to be a F first?
Perhaps not. Follow along below:
There was a guy and a girl and they had 'benefits.' One evening, the guy told the girl that he didn't think she was the kind of girl that he could hang out with. WHAT??? Meaning he'd be so overcome with lust every time he was within 30 feet of her that their clothes would have to disappear?? That he wouldn't be able to have a beer with her on a couch without acting out the complete unabridged Kama Sutra?
Pretty sure that's not what the guy was talking about ....
So after hearing this story, I couldn't help but stop and consider: So WTF is a FWB if you're not really Fs?
Cringe. Hopefully for her sake, his name wasn't "John."
The girl bitched and moaned and regaled her friends with a comical and self deprecating version of the tale that involved this:
Not only did the nonFWB think the girl wasn't F worthy (and not the 4-letter F word, because as established, that was the modus operandi), the nonFWB told the girl all about trolling the online dating sites (even about specific people he tried to pick up) and the plans to reconcile with his ex. While naked. While on the wet spot. The girl said she was just nodding her head in understanding while mentally castrating him. (Okay, she wasn't being THAT harsh. That's me using my poetic license!) And then there was the, "I'm never cuddling again. And I'm NEVER spooning again." Um, okay.
Yikes.
One of her pals, after letting her vent and commiserating with her by giving her the obligatory "he's a douchebag" comment sensitively explained what he thought she needed to do:
GET A BIGGER FREAKING SHIELD FOR YOUR FREAKING HOOHAH!
Did I mention how sensitive he is??
I told her she needed to just move on and that I would tell her tale, giving her closure.
The end.
Editor's note:
Shield her hoohah! Please. You ALREADY think we're crazy! We are women of a certain age. To the men out there: do you REMEMBER what it was like to be a 19 year old male??!! Add some boobs, other various different body parts and YOU'VE GOT IT!
Geez.
The end. Again.
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