I am starting to think that I need to watch my intake before bed…of the food variety (and I felt it necessary to qualify why?!). I wake up from the strangest of dreams. Not nightmares, necessarily, unless you consider walking around in a thrift store naked a nightmare. Or being Brad Pitt’s secret date to an underground movie. Or not being able to pull all of your bubblegum off your teeth (this one is a recurring one). Or having really weird dinosaur creatures invade earth where everyone has a clone and you don’t know who is who because the clones are chronic liars. So you can say to the clone: Are you Jen? And the clone would say: Of course, silly. But would you know? OF COURSE NOT. (or you could ask Jen: Are you Jen? And she would say: Of course, silly. But you wouldn’t know if she was the clone and just lying. See the dilemma?)
Last night, however, I DID wake up from a nightmare. In the midst of this big huge fundraiser thingy that I was doing with some charity organization and a whole bunch of teachers (hmmm….wonder where THAT came from…), I was transported to the Nord Jr. High gymnasium (No wait! There's MORE NIGHTMARE TO COME!) where I was chaperoning a dance. And then, out of nowhere, Justin Bieber came and took my hand and started to lead me away. The look of the crowd was very much like that of the audience of the strip club I was at when the dancer (female) came up to me and took my hand and led me away. There was that intake of air and knowing nod of the head as all the men envisioned me and the stripper (OOPS, EXOTIC DANCER) headed to the back….door. (Ha! Gotcha!)
Anyway, back to the Bieb…I forced myself to wake up because there was no way in hell that I wanted to see that scenario play out. I mean, I think the kid needs to cut his hair and as far as his singing? I’ve never heard him. Besides, he’s younger than my son and that is just soooo icky gross. Where is his mother when all of these rags are talking about his love life?!? Hearing about his love life was like watch Carly and Freddy kiss in iSaved Your Life! Disturbing! Why he was in my dream I have NO CLUE. (Unless...AHA...he was fetching me for his older single uncle who likes to ride boats.) Tiger Beat better not be pawning him off as Cougar-bait-in-training. (Did you see the Cougar Town where Barb was at the high school graduation doing her 'fantasy draft?' Soooo horrible I couldn't look away!)And while I have your undivided attention. DO I LOOK LIKE A COUGAR TO YOU?!?! Unless, of course, your vision of a Cougar is a middle-aged soccer mom in a silver beat up mini van (….GREAT for trolling the 25 and up crowd, let me tell you!) I could use this stage to create a singles ad for the men I WOULD be interested in, but, sigh, I think I’ve been doing that for the past three days!
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