boundaries

I blur the lines with my chiropractor.


Oh for Pete's sakes...from the get-go YOUR mind is in the gutter!  


I completely forget that he is my chiropractor and not my shrink.  Today, for example, was my last day of physical therapy (so THAT'S what I've been doing?!?!?)  and we had to do this debriefing/deprogramming thing.  He asked, "will you do your back exercises faithfully?"  'um, sure,' I said. He put down, "Patient will ignore her responsibility of doing her back exercises and will return to the hunched statue that she was 6 weeks ago."  SEE?!  He knows me so well!

I also had  to fill out this exit exam thing, without cheating.  It asked how much my lower back pain hampered my social life...I was looking for the answer that said, "social life?  what social life?"  I expected the Doc to say in his calming voice, "so, how does it really make you feel to be such a loser?' But really he said:  "Pain.  Where?  Mild, moderate or severe?"  I want him to fix my social skills and he is WAY too focused on fixing my posture and flexibility.

Right, My flexibility.  If you see above, there is no social life, so there is NO NEED for the increase in flexibility that I have dutifully attained.   Unless, of course, I want to join the circus as a contortionist...but I'm not so sure they are looking for the frumpy soccer mom for that role.  Or, say, I decide that I want to, I don't know, start to do yoga.  (REALLY? Shoot me now!)  But does it make me feel great that I KNOW that my legs will bend to a 135 degree angle when I am on my back??  You freaking betcha!!  It is stimulating to realize that I could probably do a back bend into a walkover thingy at the age of 39 (when I could never do it before??)  Absolutely!!! :)  But really, will that happen?  Not a chance!

Getting old sucks.  It happens stealthily...like a woman dressed all in black Armani about to key the car of the rotten bastard that is cheating on her.

There are signs, though, that you are getting a bit older.  Such as:

1.  Your 5-minute face now takes 30 minutes to do
2.  When filling the year of your birth in an online form, you need to scroll WAY down the dropdown menu
3.  Songs that you listened to in high school are now marketed as "Golden Oldies."
4.  Kids that you used to babysit are having kids
5.  You go to the chiropractor because, face it, as least it's a pair of male hands on you
6.  When you find yourself thinking that, I don't know, say, one of the guys in Big Time Rush is cute, you immediately go to their IMDb page to make sure they are legal
7.  You've said to your teenager, "When I was your age..."
8.  A wild weekend is trying to stay up for the monologue on SNL.
9.  Sleeping in is turning off the alarm and waking up at 6:15.
10.  Your kindergartner knows more than you do.  Or so it seems.
11.  If you're single, the only 'guys' that you're comfortable being naked with need alkaline to rev them up.