C-O-O-L

I hate watching people get embarrassed.  Almost as much as I hate being embarrassed myself.  When Tom's making an idiot out of someone on the air, I generally have to turn down the volume.  During TV shows and movies, the same thing.  I remember having to close my eyes and shut my ears during one scene in Drew Barrymore's "Never Been Kissed".

It's awkward.  And I DETEST awkward moments.

Like the scene in Grease 2.  Where Stephanie Zanoni finally lays down the law with cutie Michael Carrington when he continually asks her out after the talent show rehearsals.

 WHAT??!!!  You've NEVER seen it?  It's a classic, a Must Have!  I give it two thumbs up!  

Anyway.

It's a musical, right?  So old Steph launches into a song and dance (kick ass leather pants and boots, btw!) basically making Mikey look like a complete fool.  Here's the scene.  Sing along with me at home:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYB317pljts&feature=related


At least they taught the seniors at Rydell High to spell.  She'd look pretty dumb....K-U-L.....R-Y-D-E-R


So here I'm all embarrassed for Mike and he gets this hair brained idea to be, well, a COOL RIDER.  SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT:  And all of this leads to Steph looking at him when he is unmasked and saying, "Silly, I got two for the price of one." Geesh, lady - make up your mind.  It could have saved us the really awful performance of Love Will Turn Back the Hands of Time (as well as whatever that outfit is they  Criscoed Michael into).

ANYHOW.

This got me thinking today.  Am I really just waiting on my OWN Cool Rider? What does that even look like in my world?  Maybe it's a super funny guy with an extreme talent for riding a unicycle while filing his taxes.  Maybe it's an Isaiah whats-his-name look alike with the asymmetric pectorals.  Maybe he's wearing a tweed jacket with suede elbow patches and smoking a pipe.

Maybe.  

Maybe it's the person that helps my find the Cool Rider in myself.  

In 2ish hours, it will be Tuesday

It's Monday.

• I don't regret that I only had sons.  

1. Reason 1:  Over the weekend, both boys painted their nails (MUCH to the chagrin of their father.)  I didn't KNOW that the lip gloss/chap stick basket came with 4 nail polishes.  However, I thought their creative use of patterns with the colors was sweet!!  
2. Reason 2:  This evening, the two little ones are both pissed at me.  One because I wouldn't buy him another Care Bear at the thrift store and the other because he couldn't watch iCarly.  
3. Explanation:  So no, I don't regret that I gave BIRTH to sons...because right now I am raising pubescent girls.

• Did you know that one Reese's Peanut Egg has 170 calories in it?  It's ONLY 2.25 inches long.  That equates to a little over 75 calories per inch!

• In other inch news, a normal male ejaculation is only 5 calories...so the excuse of "Sorry honey, but I'm just getting too chubby" doesn't fly.

• In the world of Supply and Demand, the supply of chocolate in my house isn't the issue...it's squelching the demand that is.

And the main feature:

• Lady Gaga is a godmother.  Yes.  I KNOW.  Can you IMAGINE what she gets the kid for his birthday?  And who's the lucky rugrat?  None other than the offspring of Sir Elton John and his husband David Furnish (um hello....where the HECK have you been all my life??  Oh.  Probably not liking girls.)  I love this quote from KidGlue.com regarding the odd 'knighting':  When picking godparents out for your children, you probably didn’t have to consider whether you’d make, “has a tendency to wear clothing made of food” or, “showed up at the Grammy’s in a giant egg” were deal breakers.  But you’re not Sir Elton John.     The article goes on to talk about a Barbara Walters interview with Sir John and David that will air on a special 20/20.  Feast on this:  “When you get to the real person underneath, there’s a simple girl who loves her parents,” Sir Elton told Walters.  David Furnish also pointed out that someday, Gaga will be able to help their son navigate the world of music and celebrity he’s been born into.  “Zachary’s going to inherit an incredible musical legacy from his father one day, and she will be a good person to guide him through the ins and outs of the music business, ’cause she sure knows everything about the business now,” he told Walters.

Three important points arise from this:  1 - what did she wear to the baptism?  2 - Sir Elton REALLY thinks that Gaga's got longevity chops?  3.  David, I don't have John's money, but CALL ME!!!

It's Like Dodging Rain Drops

There was a moment on the train today when I stopped.  Stopped reading.  Stopped jamming (come on, it was My Darkest Days).  And looked around.  What 25 minutes prior had been a packed and dare I say 'boisterous' car, was now empty except for me and another Patterson fan.

How it all can change so fast.  What had happened to the girl with the freckles and big teeth in the seat in front of me?  What about the guy in the orange polo, orange sweater and black argyle socks?  Or the one with the ginormous feet (nice shoes) reading the restaurant tabloid?

The amount of people that we have contact with every day is staggering.

Do you ever stop....and look?  Or do you just keep trying to stay dry by dodging the drops?

Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend

Well hush my mouth!  (no, really - you should).  My daddy just called me a Cougar.  All because I stated a lustful whimsy for Cleveland Indians center fielder and resident heart throb Grady Sizemore.

Do you blame me?











Look at his stats:
Oops!  I said STATS, not ABS!!

Cleveland Indians — No. 24
Center fielder
Born: August 2, 1982 (age 28) Seattle, Washington
Bats: Left	Throws: Left
MLB debut
July 21, 2004 for the Cleveland Indians[1]
Career statistics (through 2010 season)
Batting average	.272
Home runs	129
Runs batted in	426
Stolen bases	134
Teams
Cleveland Indians (2004–present)
Career highlights and awards
3x All-Star selection (2006, 2007, 2008) 2x Gold Glove Award winner (2007, 2008) Silver Slugger Award winner (2008) Heart & Hustle Award winner (2008) Led AL in runs in 2006 Led AL in doubles in 2006

In addition,  to being 6'2" and 200 pounds, he became one of only two players in MLB history to have at least 50 doubles, 10 triples, 25 home runs, and 20 stolen bases in a single season (2006)  AND his first game out after a complicated knee rehab (today)...he hit a HOMER (See here:  Grady's Homer) and went 2 for 4 from the lead-off position!   Baseball is such a sexy sport.  ....."I don't care if I ever get back..."



So sure, Dad...call the Kettle Black and say that you've raised a Cougar (although I don't think you're called a Cougar, so that isn't necessarily calling the Kettle Black...but you know what I mean!). I'll cop to it.  Do you blame me?


I'm gonna work on sliding into home.

That Damn Pulp

I've gotten three tattoos.  My navel pierced.  5 holes punched in my ears.

For God Sakes!  I HAVE HAD THREE CHILDREN!  Two without drugs.

Yet.  This itty bitty infection that I have under the root of my number 30 tooth has brought me to my knees.

Here's the pic of the tooth.  It looks so damn normal.  And sexy.  Yet when Doc Kraft explained it to me, it was anything but normal.  That poor poor tooth.

I'm thinking about reaching out to Nickelback and Justin Beiber and Lady Gaga and asking if they can do a tribute album for my tooth.  Raise the awareness.  Raise the funds.  Get it the crown (what the hell is a crown anyway??) that it needs.

Won't you be the first to support?

Train. Chapter 1

The most logical thing in the world would be to write about my daily Metra experience.  I mean, I'm on the damn thing around two hours a day....five days a week....riding from the bleak, impoverished North, to the priveliged southish-North.  (I'm so melodramatic)

Sure, I've posted snippets, teasers, faithfully as my Facebook statuses.  But as much as I would love to regale you with train-tales over crumpets and tea, there is just one problem when I sit down and start to write about this topic:  I get a brain freeze.

Not writer's block but that kind of brain freeze that you get after taking the first looooooong slurp of a REALLY yummy ICEE.  Or, the feeling that you get after you put a huge mound of sugary cotton candy in your mouth.  That feeling of "holy crap, that was almost too much of a good thing!"  (I get this feeling often...around men's cologne, when I eat Drew's Shitake Ginger Dressing, after eating cheesecake and Dove's milk chocolate, after slurping down a McD's chocolate shake....I obviously need to hold myself in check!)

That's my problem with my train stories.  I want to dive right in and tell you everything.  But where do I begin?  What do I leave out?  Do you care about the woman applying her deodorant across the aisle?  About the middle-aged bald guys talking about Jude Law and his affair with Sienna and the nanny?  About the difference in my sanity between taking the 7:37 train and the one that leaves at 7:52?  About the woman screaming on the phone to her soon-to-be-ex, letting all of us know her pet name for him?  (BTW, it was Mo#$er F@$#!r.)

I don't know where to begin.  Visions of bad style-choices, too much cleavage, grown men swinging lunch boxes fill my brain, so today I'll start simple.

NO.  There has been no Risky Business-type of action.

Let's get on that, train-riders of Lake County!