From Music to 90210 to Reward

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I spend a lot of time in the car, flipping channels, listening to songs that invariably trigger memories.  The 80’s station takes me back to high school, of course:  ‘My Perogative’ and 'What I Am' tie me to Dominic and 'Straight Up' is all Chris.   

Of COURSE I didn't do this...

 The country station moves me into my 20s where my life post-husband-#1 was dotted with  suitors and girlfriends. And it’s funny how current songs – Taylor Swift’s ‘Trouble' and Pink’s 'Try' for example– can conjure up memories of past lust just with their lyrics ... even decades later.

Right now, I’m thinking of Brenda on her bed listening to 'Losing My Religion' over and over (and over) when Dylan dumped her.

Obviously, in better times...

(super special Jen side note:  for a list of the top 20 TV couples compiled by someone who has a lot of time on their hands, click here:  http://www.aoltv.com/2008/02/11/best-tv-couples/  I want a guy called Big.)

If she were a real person, Brenda’s my age now.  And she’s probably looking back at her time with Dylan as just one of the millions of whiny tears that she cried over the dude.

I’ve been me for 2164 weeks.  (Yeah, I counted.  Sue me.  It's to make a very valid point.)  A former 12-week relationship equals a mere .0055 of all my weeks on earth.  Date for three weeks?  That’s an insignificant .0023.

But what if the significance isn’t tied to the AMOUNT of time but to the lesson learned?  As any college student who's cramming for a final knows, we can learn a lesson in an hour let alone three weeks.  Think to what you took out of the encounter.  Was it just a couple of one-nighters?  Well, were you at least toe-curling, spine-tingling satisfied?  Maybe it was more.  Did it add a spring in your step?  A gleam in your eye?  A peacefulness to your aura? Did you start wearing heels or showing more boobage? 

And that’s where I was yesterday, in the car flipping buttons, when I thought I was missing a long ago HIM.

It wasn’t HIM I was missing.  There was so much aggravation, so much delicious turmoil in my life when he was around that it almost (ALMOST) counteracted my reward.  Ahh, Bingo!  Reward.  THAT’S what I was missing.  The flush to my cheeks…the hitch in my breath…the ridiculous smile on my lips.  Sure, he was the catalyst, the ignition for all this…but, I LET him. 

I went on faith

I was courageous.

I was outrageous.

My reward. 

As always, Confucius says it best: