Rated PG13 Chiropractics

• When the Facebook conversation ends like this, you have to wonder what's going on:
  

  
  DOC:

  95 degree hamstring stretch is all yours!!

  ME:

  I'm just coming for the pain!!

  
  And it's the type of pain that's like childbirth...after time, the memory of how bad it is fades away, so you come back for more.  Because there's something oddly pleasurable about it.  Childbirth, you have a child.  Doc's massages...uh, well.  Gee.  Oh, you hear that big crack!  
  
  Which is how I found myself on the chiropractor's table this evening.
• 

  
  

  
  

  I've talked about the doc before is Weight of the World and Boundaries.  Luckily, I failed to reread my own work before heading to his office.  Because I was in for a world of hurt (and a carton of cigs, if I still smoked).

  
  At the end of my former PT sessions with the doc, I was able to flex my right leg 225 degrees.  Or something close to that.  So, I KNEW that he was going to test me to see how my job as a carnival contortionist was treated me.  Ha.  "Well, here's 45 degrees..."  
  
  

  

  
  Guess I can't put that on my dating resume anymore.  He wasn't happy, so my leg got 'gently maneuvered' to at least a 90 degree angle.  (maybe I can put it back ON the resume?)
  
  Pain.  Just the beginning.
  
  The doc and I like to keep up a steady stream of conversation.  Something like this:  So get me up to date on that one (me: groannnnnn) guy?  still seeing him (me:  oyyyyyy)?  Really, you did that?  How did that make you (me:  Oh My God) feel?  I can see that you're still harboring (me: shiiiittttttt) guilt.  So you're going to do (me: growwwwwl) what?  Damn, that sounds like it was a great (me:  purrrrrrr) time!
  
  Did I mention this is like a therapy session as well?  And that he has the memory of a elephant?
  
  (I just cracked my pelvic bones by flexing them while writing this.  BONUS)
  
  And then. THE GOOD STUFF.  I get to turn over on my back.  And the doc sticks his fingers in...my neck meat.  AHHH.  He told me that was from Napoleon Dynamite.  Neck Meat.  
  
  Seriously. I learned tonight that one of my favorite (non erotic) body parts still needs MAJOR attention.  The  suboccipitals is the neck muscle at the back of the head.  When you and I become more familiar, don't be concerned if your fingers are digging in there more than anywhere else.  For. Hours.
  
  And the evening concluded with this last thought from the doc, "...let alone your special place for 25 minutes probing your...tightness.  You were very tight."
  
  Porn Star Chiropractic.  Coming to Showtime soon.
  
  
  

  

  If she were at Doc's she wouldn't be smiling...