Winning

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There are a lot of things that I was poised never to believe possible:  that I could go a week without wanting a glass of vino; that I could get my kids up and out the door on a consistent basis in time for the bus (7:00 am departure time); that I would stop snoozing the alarm 5 times in the morning; that I could drop a few pounds and feel great while doing it; that I would find the courage to start believing…

And when this believing began, so did the panic attacks.  The tightening of my chest, the shortness of breath - every time I’m with my kids or think about …well…not so fast as THAT’S another story.  I realize now, of course, that they aren’t ‘panic’ attacks but the love and strength and peace I feel inside of me attacking the fear that I’ve used as a shield for so SO long. 

I pray that I feel those ‘attacks’ forever.  They are my proof that I’m winning – not the Charlie Sheen Tiger Blood-type of winning, of course, but the Jen Marr-I’m Gonna Be Just Fine-type of winning.

Love.

Strength.

Peace.

The trifecta.