Always a Bridesmaid

There are many ways that I’m woken up in the morning. The landscaping guys cutting the grass outside my bedroom window. The gentle calls of ‘Mom. MOM! MOMMMMMMY!” coming from down the hall. A little boy’s sized 12 feet lodged under my ribcage...or in my back...or in my face. The 10 alarms that go off every morning to make sure I’m up. Occasionally, the smell of coffee – when I’ve remembered to set the timer. Often, a huge dog paw slapping my face.


This morning I was woken up from a rare Anais Nin erotica-worthy dream…not really realizing that I was out of the dream…until it became clear that the sound that woke me up was the sound of my 90 pound Bull Mastiff participating in a session of … morning...(how do I put this gently?)...self-pleasuring.

She stopped for a moment when she sensed she was no longer the only one awake and gave me this snide doggy grin that seemed to say, “Jealous much?”