Step Right Up and Spin the Wheel

I thought I’d adopted a one-dog matchmaking/screening service. She barked at my second ex husband and just about every other male that walked within a 3 mile radius of my house. But then she got wishy washy. She DIDN’T bark at my first ex-husband…and rolled over to expose her belly (hussy) to every Tom, Dick and Harry that so much as looked her way. I thought about getting her ‘not good for you Jen-dar’ fixed. Then I realized I would just have to go back to my own ‘fail proof’ method of choosing men to date. If they were COMPLETELY inappropriate and had NOTHING in common with me, then they MUST BE IT!! No, just joking. I went back to Astrology.


I spent $4.99 plus whatever Gurnee’s sales tax is on a book called “The Idiot’s Guide to Sextrology.” I probably should have gotten "The Idiots Guide to Having Good Taste,” but I skipped past the meat and potatoes and went right to dessert. YUMMO.

I’m a Cancer which means that you never know which one of my many personalities you will get at any given time! No. Really. I have references.

According to Astrology, there are a few signs that I NEVER EVER EVER EVER SHOULD CONSIDER hooking up with. I know for a fact that this is correct….because, HA ASTROLOGY…just try to tell me who NOT to date! Soooo right. If your birthday is between mid January and mid February, you can thank BOTH of my ex husbands and my EX FIANCE for testing the waters and saving you the hassle that is lovingly known as Jen Marr!

So the following are the rules I am going to live by – of course I’m paraphrasing…plunk down the $4.99 plus tax if you want the rest!

No Sagittarians (don’t have much in common and neither sign cares)

No Leos (little attraction)

No Geminis (supposedly, Geminis find Cancers a sexual bore – whatevva)

No Libras (sex, not so great)

No Cancers (almost TOO compatible – borrring. If I wanted to be with myself, I’d just be with…Oh.)

No Aries (supposedly Cancers have a naughty side that can be inspired but will fizzle out fast.)



Yes to Scorpios (dream lovers, dream partners)

Yes to Pisces (nurturing and soulful sex)

Yes to Taurus (Superbly yummy – hey, I don’t write this stuff!)

Yes to Virgo (mutually nurturing)

Yes to Capricorn (power couple)



If you fall in the bottom category, give me a ring, as in a telephone call. Those of you in the top category…crap, who believes this stuff anyway?!