The D word

Oh woe is me.

Just had to get that outta my system!

A common theme today in the household has been HUSBANDS.  The Littlest Mini initially brought up the term before I even had my first cup of Keurig although it's been on his mind a lot lately...(like, 'So Mom, he's not married?  Why isn't he married, Mom?') ...and then, a bit later in the day as I was drying myself off from my relaxing shower, I heard Husband #1's voice coming from my living room!  WHAT?! I swear, can a girl get no peace??  So I did what any self-respecting woman would do:  I confronted him with wet hair and no makeup!  Let him just TRY to shake that image!

Let's change the subject to DATING.   I may not know as much about this subject, but I'll pretend that I do if you will.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO FIND QUALITY DATES?  Me either.  Really.  I don't look for dates.  It's a waste of time.  Dating is, I mean.  A lot of money to sit and talk about nonsense.  Or, a lot of money to go to the movies and sit and watch other people have sex.  (Although, I admit that I love getting ready for a date  - which lately means going to WalMart - ...should I be cute and approachable?  Domineering?  Romantic?  And that's all just with the shoes! :) However, if you want to progress past something more than FWB, dating's almost necessary.  Unless you completely trust in the utter truthfulness of social media!

This is how I see it.  At my age, men are either too young or too old.  Or have one or two ex-wives from hell. (I can say this because I may very well be one!)  The young ones hear that I have three kids, and if they haven't bolted, start looking for my gravity-defying mechanisms that are holding my body parts in place.  And hoping to hell that I don't like to leave the lights on.  Damn Hugh Hefner for making airbrushed boobies common.  I am NOT a centerfold.  (and usually I don't wish to be.)  Aside from a rare sighting every 80 years, the young guys are just totally focused on partying, money, cars and scoring.  Throw some bacon and Big Macs in there, too. Oh, and X Box.

The other end of the spectrum?  I can't comment from experience.  I won't allow myself.  Can't make myself.  Would rather undergo a four hour Justin Beiber concert.  If that makes me olddudeaphobic, then so be it. My dad is only 20 years older than me so that makes even contemplating dating someone older OUT OF THE QUESTION.  (Max, are you listening?)

The first lie that I UNTOLD in 2011 is that I would like to have someone around on a consistent basis.  I call it having another adult person taking up some of my personal space.  I'm all about romance and some WBTYM...but preferably with the same person.  I'm thinking of speed dating.  See if anyone can take me on longer than 2 minutes.  HA, challenge!!