Resolving to Not Resolve

I contemplated the whole resolution nonsense.  I mean, when could be better to declare drastic life changes then the last six months before a monumental birthday?!  But then I thought some more:

• I don't smoke anymore
• I don't over drink (Jim, Jack and Joe are NOT my friends)
• I don't over eat (although the fast food intake could taper)
• I don't do drugs (heavier than Ibuprofen)
• I have a good work ethic.  (I DO.)
• I don't swear toooo much. (at least in front of the kids)
• I'm nice to people (for the most part)
• I get along with my exes (scary but true)
• I'm a good mom (so the minis say, but I have them tranqualized)
• I don't have too many tantrums.....(just during THAT week)

What the heck was I going to resolve to do?!

So I came up with this:  Jen's List of Things I Resolve NOT to Do in 2011:

• NEVER say 20-11. (honestly, when I say it I feel like I should then ask the guy next to me for some Grey Poupon)
• NEVER go out with someone half my age (this is where that plus 7 caveat comes in handy)
• NEVER get my tongue pierced (ewww)
• NEVER go out with someone twice my age (ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww)
• NEVER put my head in the mouth of a lion (you figure out the metaphor, I'm tired)
• NEVER swim with sharks (unless they are of the corporate variety and I'm the better swimmer)
• NEVER ask to co-host the View (I'd get into my very first fist-fight)
• NEVER ski a Double Diamond without already having a bay booked in the ER (it was fun to ski when I was 4...I'm a big fan of the bunny hill.  I think my natural NON grace would be a hindrance)
• NEVER book an appointment with Heidi Montag's surgeon (Although, she now comes with her own flotation devices)
• NEVER Facebook stalk the cute kid from kindergarten (but the kid from Nursery School is fair game)
• NEVER shave my head for non-medical reasons (Yes, I thought about doing this once...some dude wanted me to model for some comic book)
• NEVER go on the road with Hinder (I would lose my liver)
• NEVER watch Eyes Wide Shut again (Can I see a show of hands of those out there that liked it???  Anyone?)
• NEVER slap or punch myself (Bubba's contribution)
• NEVER paint myself up like an Avatar to go to work (I'm not sure the scientists would see the humor or ART in it)

and...

• NEVER take what I have for granted
• NEVER bite off more than I can chew, but... 
• NEVER spit out what I've already taken
• NEVER fail to see the good
• NEVER opt to be close-minded
• NEVER shy from trying new, slightly different ideas
• NEVER be too busy to play with my kids
• NEVER forget to take the time to make myself a priority

Happy two thousand and eleven, my friends.  I think we're due.